Whom and What Will We Befriend?
The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said,
“A person is upon the religion of his best friend, so each person should consider whom he befriends.”
Recently while teaching a class at Sanad Prep and writing an essay, I came across a hadith and story from the seerah that are profoundly insightful in what they offer regarding companionship, communication, allocation of our time and attention, and more. I had read these both before, but what was significant this time was the sequence and timing in which I read them. They spoke to me in a new way.
The hadith we have mentioned above in the preface of this blog. The story from seerah is related to an interaction and conversation between the companion Thawban (Allah be pleased with him) and the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him). The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) came upon Thawban and found him distressed and saddened. He asked about his well-being and what was disturbing him.
Care Enough to Stop
For me, this is one of the most important lessons of this story — that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) didn’t just walk past him. Not only was the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) self-aware, but he was ever vigilant and mindful about the state of others. This he (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) expressed with his genuine concern when observed their emotional state. He (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) was compassionate and caring and empathetic enough to actually stop and inquire.
Simply and sincerely asking, “How are you?” How profound an impact it is on the heart when you know someone truly cares about you. It is like an unstoppable feeling of rahma surrounds your heart.
But, let’s look further into the interaction. Thawban replies to him openly, completely, honestly. Before we get to what he says, let us ponder the relationships that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) cultivated around him. It was an environment in which the people around him…his family, his children, his grandchildren, his companions, and their families felt at ease, recognized, and listened to. Of note too is that the companions were not all men and the companions were not all old, so the women and youth among the companions were enveloped in this equitable and accessible sincere concern of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him).
There is a lesson here for our own families and relationships. How comfortable is a child speaking to their parents? How comfortable is a spouse speaking to their partner? How comfortable is a student in sharing with a teacher? What is the quality of our own communication in our various relationships?
To continue with the anecdote, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) stops to speak with Thawban and inquires about his sadness. Thawban does not say, “Oh no I’m fine. It’s okay. I know you’re busy.”
God Witnesses
Rather, he shares that his sadness is due to his worry that even if he made it to Paradise, he would not be able to be with the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) would be at a high maqam or station than him. And, as such, he would not be able to reach him and be in his company (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) as he is able to be in this life.
How beautiful is this the whole episode is so far? There are so many layers: the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) observed him, asked about his well-being, and then that Thawban felt comfortable to share his very personal concern. A concern mind you that is directly related to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him). At times we avoid these types of conversations because they include the person who’s speaking to us.
What happens next is beyond what words can adequately do justice to, but requires our reflection nonetheless. Upon hearing this exchange, Allah sends revelation from the heavens to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) who then shares it with Thawban.
Allah reveals:
And whoever obeys Allah and the Messenger, then they will be in the company of those whom Allah has bestowed His Grace — of the Prophets, the truthful, the righteous, the martyrs, and the righteous. And how excellent these companions are! (Qur’an, 4:69)
What an uplifting revelation? Among the many important lessons here is that when people sincerely and genuinely care for one another and come together for the sake of Allah to uplift one another, it is witnessed and responded to by Allah.
The realization of this is awe-inspiring. It tells us how important those moments are, and not to walk past them.
Whom Will, You Befriend?
Let us now conclude by circling back to the aforementioned hadith and consider it in light of our returning companion, the month of Ramadan.
“A person is upon the religion of his best friend, so each person should consider whom he befriends.”
One of my teachers said this guidance (with balance) can be extended to the context of books, forms of entertainment, organizations, causes, technology, and more. Meaning, we should be mindful and informed of the people and things we are most connected to in terms of our attention and time. And, when possible, consider what is/was the personal state of the people behind the things we interact with. Among the most valuable blessings that we are given are our allotted time, our intellectual capacity, our resources, and our emotional spirit.
So, whom and what will you be with this Ramdan? Let us choose wisely where we spend our time, whom we spend it with. Ramadan comes like a friend, once a year, willing to spend 30 days with us. Are we too busy? Are we going to walk by it without any concern? We have a great example in which the Prophet peace be upon him never did that. He (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) never walked by a special moment or a special opportunity. So, as Ramadan approaches let’s not walk past it.
At Sanad Trust Foundation we hope that we are worthy of your companionship and support. We hope that we can continue to offer something of benefit to you and your family, to our youth and our elders, and to our community and Ummah. We ask for your dua for our sincerity, for our tawfiq, and for our success not just in the month of Ramadan, but beyond, as we try to build a new way forward for Islamic education in North America and insha’Allah benefit humanity for many years to come. We thank you for your time and we thank you for your dua. Allah bless you.
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